You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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