Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
