Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
