youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize