walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
