Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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