do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize