did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
