I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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