is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
