I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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