i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
