i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
