When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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