Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize