I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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