ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
