She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
