please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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