The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
