She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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