If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
