He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
