nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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