Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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