Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
