Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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