dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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