Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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