your thong is hanging out like whoa
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
