She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
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Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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