mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
