It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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