The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
