I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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