It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
why is half of my head shaved?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
