Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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