If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i will never coherently bang her
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
