why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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