Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
