I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.