oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
