You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
