Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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