I think my vagina is haunted
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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