3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i think my cat just said my name.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
