So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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