Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
