One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My bed is full of blood and feathers
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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