i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
