I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
