She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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