I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
