i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
