i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
