It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
