You're my little dorito
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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