why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
