Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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