dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
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maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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