I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
