Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
