i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
