This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
