she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
