new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
