You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
