Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wear drunk well.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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