it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
