Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This is the prime rib incident all over again
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
