the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
