he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
